Wow. Wow. Um. Just, WOW. That was the worst vacation I have ever had. MILAN SUCKED! Notice I didn’t say Milan sucks, because I’m sure it doesn’t; I really feel like it’s a great city, but WOW. It really sucked for me. I wasn’t super psyched for it, which rarely happens since I’m always excited about new places, but I guess my traveler’s intuition was onto something...
When I got to the airport, I stood on the train platform to city center for a minute or two when I realized, “I am the only one down here...” I knew it wasn’t right, so I rushed back up stairs, polka dot luggage in tow, and start rushing around. A helpful Italian guy, who just arrived from Barcelona, told me that after 11:00 pm, a bus makes the route instead of the train. Luckily I made the bus in time and was on my way to my hotel. Yes, a HOTEL! I paid a bit extra to have some privacy, since I’d been living dormitory style for the last few weeks...
The directions to the place were a bit dodgy, so I asked a friendly-looking Irish guy which way, and he says, “Oh! That’s where I’m going, this way!!” I watched a tram pass the other way and boarded the next one in my direction. It seemed like it was taking too long, and it was midnight, so I hopped off and went into a hotel. Turns out I was literally at a point diagonally across the entire city from where I needed to be. The desk guy grabbed me a taxi. FYI, it’s 15 Euro to drive across Milan’s city center (without traffic). I got to my hotel SO RELIEVED I COULD CRY!
The desk guy asks for my passport and says, get this, “I do not have a reservation of this name.” I made this pathetic little quivering desperate moan and then went into bitch mode. I pull up the confirmation Email and my bank statement to prove I’d been charged, and he says, “No, I don’t have reservation, and I don’t have room. When you make, reservation was already close-ed!” And HE’S heated with ME! I really, really just couldn’t believe it....
Then I think he began to see the gravity of the situation, because he called someone and told me he had a room- IN ANOTHER HOTEL! “Where?” And we go out, and he points, and I can see it and within 20, I’m asleep. Actually I set the alarm for the free breakfast, and THEN I’m asleep...
Breakfast was really just a lot of cookies and crackers and a couple pre-packaged croissants, so I decided to head back upstairs. I ask about check-out time and they told me there wasn’t one so I go back to sleep. Within a half hour they call and say, “Uh, hello. Clean. Must clean. You finish.” So I guess I was out.
I made my way to the hostel I reserved for the next night. Again, directions were thoroughly confusing, but I found #5 Galla Placida, and buzzed it, and nothing, and I can hear it ringing upstairs, and nothing. I kept buzzing, like an idiot, and then just sat down. Luckily, I had a wireless signal, so I listened to the Ting Tings and read the news, when a few guys walked up and one was horrified to see me sitting in the street- he was the owner.
He launched into this huge thing about how the hotel was new and the directions were supposed to be to the desk, which was at a different property.................. I finally get checked in and go to sleep. Until 6pm.
I only got up because I heard that the “apertivo” is really big in Milan. Think of it as the happy hour’s “big rich uncle.” You go to any bar or cafe, buy a drink, and then you have access to a free buffet. It reminded me of what people put out for their high school open houses or Christmas parties. Some are basic with cheese, olives, and potato chips, others are RIDICULOUS with all that plus pasta dishes and pizza and desserts....
Needless to say I had to try it, and after gussying up a bit I headed to a cafe that was described as “a place to see and be seen” in a trendy neighborhood. It was really cute, but I found it a bit difficult to mingle as everyone was A: part of a group and B: speaking Italian. I had a bit to eat and decided to move on. As I walked around the city center, I noticed how beautiful Milan was. Really lovely. Anyway, I couldn’t find a place, and I started to feel lonely for the first time on the WHOLE trip. And since I didn’t want to just wander the streets and have a pity party, I did the unthinkable- I went to the touristy area in hopes of finding people that spoke English!! I’m so ashamed!!
I found a sign for “The English Football Pub” and went inside- Nope, all Italians and there was no bar? I noticed that at most every place I peeked into, the bar is for ordering, not really to sit down and have a drink... I left defeated, and decided to head to my hostel. As I walked home from the metro, a HUGE loud brawl broke out in the street! Like 20 young Italians throwing Heinekens at each other... So that cheered me up a little bit, but I still just wanted to go home.
When I got there my roommates, who I had never met, were all asleep- and it was 10:30... I used my handy little flashlight to find my way to the bathroom and WHAMM! I bang the SHIT out of my head on a random cross-beam! And I can’t even yell or curse it, because the girls are asleep! I wanted to KILL someone, or at least break a Heineken on the beam, or SOMETHING. But I just go to the bathroom and head to bed when WHAMM!! Yeah, I hit my head AGAIN!! I already forgot about the beam....
I wake up on my last day and I remember to duck for the beam, but there’s no toilet paper and there is a bug in the bidet, and I can’t believe this! I won’t even get into details about the rest- I had 1 hour to sightsee until my bus to the airport left, only when I get there after rushing and I’m seriously DRENCHED with sweat, they direct me to a completely different station across town, and when I get there I’m STILL rushing, and at the wrong counter and I find it, and when I get to the bus I see that I overpaid, but I don’t have time to go back, or I’ll miss the bus, and it’s packed and I’m sharing a seat, and now, you’re caught up to now, and it has actually REALLY helped to write all this down.
Honestly though, can you believe what a horrible time I just had? And by the way, I am SO hungry! SHEEEE-IT! No worries though, I’m headed to Barcelona to meet up with Sarah and Timothy (my sister and brother-in-law) and as long as I’m not mugged or tortured it WILL be better than this...
-H*
Pics from Milan: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2145892&l=46f61&id=22001348
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2 comments:
I'm sorry your Milan trip sucked - hopefully the rest of your tour goes better. Your blog entertains me on the short train ride between my apartment and work :) I sometimes almost laugh out loud with your hillarious stories. I try not to do that though, since it will elicit stares from everyone in the train.
Sounds like Milan should have just been skipped, but at least you're going to meet up with Sarah and Timothy. That'll be nice.
As horrible as this trip sounds I really did get a good laugh out of reading it. Especially the beam issue. It was a well needed day-brightener on account of having pneumonia and not really wanting to be on campus.
Thank you for getting me through physics!
Love as always,
J
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